the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize