Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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