I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
