porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
