Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
