i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
