Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
where are you?
Hypothermia
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Randomize
