Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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