My hand turned me down
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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