"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
