Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
