I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
