i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
