dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize