My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
