I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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