Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
