Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
