You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
