Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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