I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
