I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
