I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
