were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
