You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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