I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
