I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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