I'm gonna have a badass scar
If that was your dad, he is hot
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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