For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
