Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize