Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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