I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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