Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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