Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize