Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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