you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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