I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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