Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
