I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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