Your dad touched me again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
