she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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