I hate your face
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
