Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
