How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
