i was born a porn star she said
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
