these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize