I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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