Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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