bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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