He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
