Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
