was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
