I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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