Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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