He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
