I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
