ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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