In the future we'll all be gay
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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