My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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