i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just google imaged poop.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
