the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
