he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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