just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
