A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
