Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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