so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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