I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
