If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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