Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
