good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
