I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
