when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
